The formula is that there is no formula – Bye bye 2015

With each individual having a special and unique DNA how can we expect the same rule to work on each such different DNAs?

‘Things not-to-do after a break-up’

‘How to live your dream without damaging your reality’

’10 things to do in order to succeed in everything you are assigned to’

image

These are just a few ‘attractive’ articles doing the rounds on the internet most often telling you what to do and what not to do in awkward situations or in order to make your existence just better. And for many unfortunately they are becoming the gospel truth.

I’ve also been prey to most of these articles and have developed a tendency to open them every now and then and sub-consciously somewhere even imbibe them. What we forget most often is that each of our composition is different and it would be very rare to have the same rule apply to two different people equally. These self-help articles are not absolute rubbish I would say, but the whole logic behind not taking them too seriously is that, a common medicine for stomach ache being consumed by every person who develops a stomach ache, isn’t that silly? Some have stomach ache due to constipation, some how have due to their periods, some have it due to some cancerous cyst lying inside, I mean how can the same medicine cure all stomach aches?

To give a more relatable example let’s check this, generally the first thing in an article on ‘Things not to do after a break-up’  would be –

‘Don’t try calling back your ex’ – well that makes sense on many levels as people get too needy and act like doormats after a break-up so this is a thumb-rule which we all see somewhere get influenced by and maybe even follow unknowingly, but hey what if you need a closure, what if that last conversation never ever happened, how would the same rule apply here. Every situation is going to be different, there is no rule which can be called as universal and perfect in any given situation, cause even the situations are always going to be different. 

Another one from the same article which I found amusing was,

‘Don’t look for love again right after a break-up’ – Well maybe in most cases it is just to be protective about us so that due to an outburst of emotions causing emotional weakness we don’t get carried away and make the wrong choices, but what if love comes knocking at your door right after your break-up? Are you going to hold yourself back because it’s against the norms? Will you ask it to stand at the door because for the next one year it will be tagged as rebound? Hell no.
What feels right is right.

image

A general rule is that you don’t switch jobs too often it leaves a bad impression, but hey that rule doesn’t work for a person whose goal in life is to get varied experiences in very little time. Hence proved, who we are is different, what we want from life is different then how can a list of numbered rules take us a to an undisclosed destination where we want to be. It’s good to be open to everything but making something said by everyone your magna carta and living life according to that seems a little futile.

What 2015 taught me was.

Rules are going to be everywhere. Societal norms are never ending. And people are always going to comment on whatever you do or sometimes even if you don’t, because having an opinion on almost everything is a natural instinct in most of us. Don’t hate them.

But what’s important is to always remember your DNA is unique, distinct and special so what people say may not necessarily work out for your special DNA. The whole formula on anything, be it successful relationships, cracking amazing jobs or even having the most perfect date is that THERE ARE NO RULES. You messed it up you went against a norm or the rule no you haven’t fucked up, congratulations because you have tried creating your own path where you make discover new things which you wouldn’t hadn’t you not fucked up.

Yes the society will be under anarchy if there are no laws which stop people from doing what they want to. And that’s important for safety. But when it comes to your personal decisions of life there is no better inspiration than the inspiration found in your own instinct.

Let’s get a little more silent next time we are tempted to open that article with an interesting tagline, lets hear ourselves a little more and create our own tagline maybe.

And once again what I just said above works out for me so that’s my rule and is not a rule which maybe apply to your special DNA.

A super happy new year and a wonderful one to all the special DNAs reading this one. See you in 2016.

Advertisements

The general theory of a ‘Successful Relationship’

Success is a word which may seem one of the positive words but in reality it is more negative than positive as it becomes an added pressure making the destination more important than the journey itself.

With relationship goals being bombarded at us all over the internet and the other miniscule damage which these relationship goals couldn’t do have been compensated by the Nicolas Sparks – YRF – Dharma films, there has been an enormous spike in the expectation levels in a couple.

Love has been defined in more than one ways in several forms of art and ofcourse in some of our drunky conversations as well and we as humans generally go with the most convenient definition which suits our needs the most.

However is love enough to make a relationship successful?

Also at what given point can we call a relationship successful?

1 year after dating, 5 years after marriage, after 2 children or after 4 grandchildren?

image

Well to me a relationship can be called successful even after it has ended, provided it ends at the right time. Just because it has ended doesn’t make it unsuccessful as it is same with big companies or talented people. Just because Reliance closes down tomorrow it won’t make it any less successful company or if an eminent filmmaker decides to not make films anymore it won’t make him/her any less successful. Success is a constant state and not a one point destination.

The success of a story depends largely on when and where you decide to end it. 

Similarly if we have a couple who is sticking around together for 50 years with a beautiful wooden house and 4 children and 10 grandchildren, does that make them have a ‘Successful Relationship’? Hell no.

What If one of them was suffering all this while? or the other just feared being lonely and stuck around? because of which they managed to survive 50 odd years together.

image

Duration clearly can’t be anywhere on the criterion list to determine the success of a relationship. There are definitely way more factors that play a significant role in making a relationship successful and the first on my list would be hands down the capacity to be alone, because I believe if one can be alone and be happy then that person is truly capable of loving someone else.

My friends thankfully had wonderful suggestions like being happy, being understanding and having healthy communication as some vital elements which would make it for a ‘Successful Relationship’ for them.

In times like these where half the world is turning commitment phobic and the other half is looking down upon break-ups and divorces, the purpose of having a companion seems to have lost its mettle.

If a person decides to walk out of relationships frequently he/she is generally associated as someone who is unreliable or casanovaish, but hey if that person’s priority is to be ‘happy’ over being in a ‘relationship that goes on forever and even after that but making him more sad and less happy’ then who are we to judge that person?

It requires hell lot of guts to walk out of a relationship/friendship, it’s not just the person who is on the receiving end suffers, but then there are some people for whom being happy alone is more important than being perpetually frustrated together.

We all have heard that speech at some point of time in our lives where our family member or some motherly character like farida jalal in movies would say that marriage is a compromise one has to manage to make peace with the husband/wife’s wants alot of times to keep it going.

But my question is what is obsession of keeping it going when it is damaging oneself?

image

What’s a relationship if it doesn’t let you grow as a full blooming individual?

How would such a relationship ever manage to be successful if you yourself are a compromised version of yourself in it? Even though you manage to last forever and even after that.

Many people are in an emotionally abusive relationships and what’s unfortunate is that most don’t even know they are suffering it. We keep suffering because we start associating suffering with love and we feel the more you suffer due to someone the more you sacrifice the more you are in love with the person. Which to me doesn’t make sense.

If two people being together are just damaging each other’s individuality then no definition of love justifies them being together. Ofcourse there are going to be summery days and some will be cold as winter in any relationship and that doesn’t mean one has to move out of it each time it is making oneself unhappy but it is a personal choice to figure that at what given point they are losing themselves as individuals in the garb of loving someone else and then decide if it’s just a bad day in a relationship or a bad choice.

I write this after seeing how submissive can people get because they fear not having that special someone and are most often feeling like doormats eventually however used more often which makes me want to bring out this power in the open, the power of choosing, choosing to be happy, choosing to be peaceful which most of us generally have. We all have so much power and potential, we are universe in ecstatic motion and then it’s just unfortunate to see people destroying their one and only life in the name of loving someone.

Why not end it nicely and live a happy life figuring your next muse than finishing the one and only lifetime suffering because having a special someone was so important always.

It is lovely to have someone crying at your grave profusely when you die and nobody wants to die lonely but what’s terrible is dying as a person before dying itself because you don’t want to die lonely. Take your pick.