The coolest new entrant of my ‘twenties’ life – ME TIME

One movie dialogue that echoed big time right after stepping out of college was,

‘College di gate de is taraf hum life ko nachate hai … te duji taraf life humko nachati hai..’

Well, I think a lot of us 90s kids will swear by this dialogue from Rang De Basanti, now that we’re actually attempting to live the best years of our lives in a cubicle, while dealing with a new pressure popping everyday.

Remember those times in college where amidst organizing festivals and setting up friends, we always managed to get time to attend that friend’s friend house party?

You may resonate to that bunch of mates, who were never really active in college, be it class or in the campus, but still had their days quickly vanish away?

It was pretty magical as the chaos of being somewhere, doing something every time, was not even remotely tiring or mentally exhausting.

We spent hours back then watching, no wait, FINISHING, sitcoms, series after series back to back each night and then be up the next day very charged up and resolving a silly fight.

There was nothing we wanted to miss out on, neither the fun with friends, nor the certificate giving, new-people meeting, college fests.

Even the lot who didn’t like doing this all, studied all the while and in the train had their fun time.

I remember being that overtly active kid of college, who wanted to do everything, be everywhere, play cupid, get my certis and also attempt to get a good rank. While doing all this for years, not a day felt exhausting or tiring.

But now even though the major part of our day is consumed by doing just one thing i.e. Work and no so many things like we did in college, all we want at the end of the day is peace. Silence. Solace. Pretty much least human contact of any form.

The time taken to travel home, which was usually spent earlier talking on the phone catching up with friends, or even relentless speed-texting on groups is now effortlessly replaced with ‘earphones’ or just looking out of the window as the wind gushing through your face, making you feel more alive after the claustrophobic air conditioner’s air all day.

A lot of texts go unanswered or some are answered halfheartedly, yes also because we are doing serious shit now, unlike college days, but I feel its more so because we are exhausted somewhere mentally most often.

The expectations we have from ourselves, coupled with the pressure of excelling due to the competition around and added with a dash of not knowing where we are going, gives a perfect blow, enough to tire out a brain which was not yet prepared for all this.

Earlier the chaos was external, so internally we were always connected with ourselves and so never felt the burden on our shoulders irrespective of the amount of things done in a day. Now the chaos is more within, due to which there’s barely any ‘quality time’ or ‘recharge time’ one gets with oneself.

Getting choosy about who you want to speak to at the end of a day at work, has shamelessly taken over the impromptu plans of late night drives all together.

Its imperative now, to sit back quietly and just look outside the window, thoughtless and quiet, for a while, as you get to your second home. Because the first one is officially your workplace by now.

I wasn’t too kicked about alot of these ‘cool responsible adult-like’ things that came in after work kicked in. But this ‘me time’ or ‘recharge time’ of a few minutes at night while getting back from work or anywhere, where I am all by myself, uninterested in the ‘notifications’ and ignoring the ‘mails’ unknowingly, just paying attention to nothing unabashedly and once in a while the music making its way sometime in the background is the most magical feeling ever.

The fact that we are now consciously finding ways to be with our own self a little more, a little connected to our soul a little more, looking for peace a little more and loving the nature a little more is for me ‘LIVING’ a little more 🙂

Welcome to my rickety twenties, ‘me time’!

 

 

 

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Why making good money in your early 20s can be the best thing for you?

Caveat – Anyone who has a legit/serious passion and is happily pursuing it may surely want to skip the contents below. This one’s more for the ones in ‘I’m still figuring out’ or ‘I want to make it big, but I don’t know what I love the most’ zone.

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“What’s your package?”, “Consultant or an employee?”, “How much are they offering you”, “What are the perks?”, “Internship or permanent?” these were just some questions which have the supernatural power of making us feel absolutely minuscule and worthless in a span of seconds irrespective of where we were or with whom we were while the door of 20s just hit us hard on the face, even before we could get out of college.

Be it the the unending conversations after drunky sessions of revelry with homies or just awkward ‘beta aap kaha kaam kar rahe ho?’ at almost unavoidable social gatherings, its practically impossible to evade the thoughts of ‘where am I going?’ and ‘what am i doing with my life?’

and just when you try to forget all of that, saala koi na koi toh tumhare market value/net worth nikaalne aa hi jaata hai, while your’re in your early twenties.

 

If this wasn’t enough to make your ripe jawaani (not sorry for that uncouth term!) exciting, we have these movies coming in every other fri-yay telling us to live like a pauper and follow our passion, follow our heart, follow our err….

But hello, agar passion hoti in the first place toh why would we sit and waste time watching such almost same-to-same movies, we would rather be lost persuing our passion for all you know. Toh boss, what about the maximum mango people, who are ordinary AF but don’t want to remain that way? They are pretty much jacked from all the sides –

Want to make big money, friends are doing so well already, looking for happiness in everything, hating monotony and how, looking for love (validation) pretty much all the time, want to have fun always and suffering major FOMO, want to work hard and be busy, causing staying office till 4am be cool, perpetually broke, perpetually want to travel, perpetually dreaming much, tired too much, bored to soon, parents pressure always….etc etc etc

WELCOME TO 20s GUYS!!

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Now that we don’t have a solid passion and not making good money at the same time can get fatal, how about not meandering in the roads of ‘looking for happiness’ or ‘looking for passion’ or ‘waiting for enlightenment’ and getting that ass to work without getting too emotional about it?

How about starting off with something that you may not like that much, but maybe you are already good at it, instead of starting off with something you’re not that great with but you still like it. And since you’re doing something you’re good at, its very likely you will get your Vitamin M too soon, which help you keep it going to meander wherever you want to. You know it’s not that bad to get lost in a jungle looking for something, after you have already achieved something. Maybe the jungle may not be kind to you, but you always know you have something else to fall back on however comfortable it may not be.

 

Money, believe it or not, has a good enough association with happiness. No happiness, not in the sense that which car you’re driving to your work to, it’s more like a confidence booster, that I can make this much, I am worth this much and so on. It’s absolutely normal to identify our worth with how much we make for a living. Good or Bad is another issue/ Fair enough for now.

So the ones, who chose not meander into the unending tunnels looking for a ray of passion and just got their ass to work and gave in their best irrespectively of how much they hated or loved what they were doing and looked at their work more objectively than subjectively, could easily tick off that “good package” wala pressuring tag from their 20s list and could actually realize the importance of looking for the purpose of existence slightly quicker than the others.

The moment you have it, you don’t want it that badly, and then the mind clears up on its own, and the smog of money disappears, only to make way for the sunlight which could unravel the truth about you and that’s when the mind makes conscious efforts to start looking for some ‘real stuff’ and I think happiness and ‘real stuff’ are pretty much next door neighbors.

No offense to anyone but an analogy could do here – a pappu in college wanting to date that pretty chick to get his confidence booster and once he has done that, he would go out looking for something/something who stirs up his soul.

No that does not mean pretty people can’t stir up your soul. A proud feminist that I am, I totally believe pretty girls are smart, full of substance and fuck they can drive well.

Anyways.

So yes, instead of just walking around in whirlpools of frustration (if any!) why not get that money desperation out the system, by just putting yourself to work (anything you’re decent at!), and trust me once you get that cheque which pulls up your self worth sky-high, your soul will automatically drift towards the bigger and better things in life.

Sometimes, when you are clueless maybe you need that wrong but important girl/guy in your life to make you realize what uplifts that soul big time.

Sometimes you need to climb some small peaks in order to get to the highest peak, as most often it is the small peaks that block your view towards the highest peak and make the journey more frustrating and confusing. Well this worked for me atleast.

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20s may sounds manic emotionally, but it’s not as bad, as long as you keep moving 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trading Souls 

Let’s trade some soul tonight,

Over some beer maybe a two? 
No that’s not true and we can have fun without alcohol,

But I need to lose myself to be able to find the keys to take you through the rusted guarded walls of mine.
A part of me is thirsty tonight, to explore the darkest corners of another soul and gather some souvenirs lying there in the garb of old stories untold, 

So let’s just drop the facades of being fun, young and wild and you can oblige me by taking me through some of your not so prettiest sights.

We don’t have to make it last forever let’s just start that way,

We will get attached and break each other’s hearts, oh let’s pretend it’s all done and today is our next day.
I don’t have to entertain you,

And you don’t have to excite me.

Let’s heat up the night with whatever leftover warmth we have after a bad day,

and we can unlearn to be cool just for today.

Why friend, mother, boyfriend or wife?

Let’s give each other a new name tonight.

The name we can give to that deep dark corner of your soul where you escorted me tonight.

The name which will evoke the warmth in me even when I’m freezing in cold miles away.
Let’s just not be ourselves tonight,

Because we still don’t know who we really are,

Let’s just be peaceful being nobody in this big wide universe,

Let’s just exist, without the pressure of finding out tags owho we are,

And instead to each other we could be a mirror maybe to know a little more of what we are made up of.

Purest when I flow

 

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I am like water, purest when I flow,
some decide to soak in me and some in my absence just want to wallow,
I take the shape of the vessel where I reach through,
but I am neither the vessel nor its cloak,
I’m love, purest when I flow.

I am the elixir of life,
And I can cleanse up any possible vice,
I’m needed the most when someone is low,
I’m love, purest when I flow.

What happened one day is,
I found my way into a man’s heart.
Even there I was the same love,
Of which everyone wrote stories about,
Continue reading “Purest when I flow”

The Carnival

Carnival-stock3258_SM 7 billion varied souls, some in similar shades but all of different color,

7 billion different textures, some fluid some crude, but all are made of vulnerability and some truth,

They say opposite souls in this carnival attract, but the doorway says that the similar ones leave the exit more often together,

I was told not to befriend anyone at the carnival still I did.

 

The rules of carnival are such that most likely you enter alone and leave alone,

But to enjoy the carnival to the fullest all you have to do is lend your soul,

Some souls manage to warm you up and the most difficult ones often end up leaving their traces in yours,

Leaving a little bit of them in you and still changing your composition forever completely.

I was told not to befriend anyone at the carnival still I did.

Going-to-the-Carnival-circus-and-carnivals-20358670-1440-900You know it from the start that some bubbly bouncy souls make the perfect partners to enjoy the carnival rides,

You agree to lend your soul and sometimes even if you don’t agree your souls get intertwined,

You want to make the most of the ride so you give away a piece of you even though you know you are never getting it back,

You end the ride and the soul cries, you call  it growing up and making space for new bubbly souls,

But somewhere even you know that you are left with nothing but some big holes.

I was told not to befriend anyone at the carnival still I did.

 

imagesSome peaceful souls you find in corners of the noisiest shows of the carnival,

Watching out for your back in that chaotic show and they often end up becoming the friendly souls,

But you walk a few miles together most often to realize you are further booked on two different rides,

Sometimes you skip the ride to walk another mile with that peaceful soul but sometimes you will choose a new ride over that same old friendly soul,

Oh boy! No one told you sacrifices and compromises were the T&C of the carnival tickets which will make you skip fun rides the most.

I was told not to befriend anyone at the carnival still I did.

 

Some of these jumpy souls promise to watch out for you after another ride,

You promise them back the same,but baby you have just taken your heart for a ride!

The ride is over the adrenaline is down, you know there’s another show at the carnival to watch but the warm part of your soul begins to frown,

You know you have found your perfect carnival buddy already, but it’s too early to stick to that , even the sun isn’t down already.

I was told not to befriend anyone at the carnival still I did.

 

Everyone has shows to be a part of, everyone has rides to complete,

But you want to exit the carnival anyways because you are done with its uncertainty,

The forevers are just till the next ride we find, the attempts are half hearted and there’s always shortage of time.

Everyone wants to make the most of this carnival, and most just aim  to hold on to another soul so they don’t exit alone.

I was told not to befriend anyone at the carnival still I did. 

 

IMG-20160521-WA0041The adrenaline is awesome, so is the façade of new experiences disguised as parting ways,

there are no clear winners at this carnival and it’s fun to set your own rules straight,

So these two similar whitish bouncy souls said they meant in words like forever and together and got confused looking at so many rides there just then they spotted the emergency exit,

they tore the carnival tickets, flung it in the air, found a quaint garden beyond the carnival and decided to spend their day there,

I was told not to befriend anyone at the carnival still I am glad i just did.

 

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