Success is a word which may seem one of the positive words but in reality it is more negative than positive as it becomes an added pressure making the destination more important than the journey itself.
With relationship goals being bombarded at us all over the internet and the other miniscule damage which these relationship goals couldn’t do have been compensated by the Nicolas Sparks – YRF – Dharma films, there has been an enormous spike in the expectation levels in a couple.
Love has been defined in more than one ways in several forms of art and ofcourse in some of our drunky conversations as well and we as humans generally go with the most convenient definition which suits our needs the most.
However is love enough to make a relationship successful?
Also at what given point can we call a relationship successful?
1 year after dating, 5 years after marriage, after 2 children or after 4 grandchildren?
Well to me a relationship can be called successful even after it has ended, provided it ends at the right time. Just because it has ended doesn’t make it unsuccessful as it is same with big companies or talented people. Just because Reliance closes down tomorrow it won’t make it any less successful company or if an eminent filmmaker decides to not make films anymore it won’t make him/her any less successful. Success is a constant state and not a one point destination.
The success of a story depends largely on when and where you decide to end it.
Similarly if we have a couple who is sticking around together for 50 years with a beautiful wooden house and 4 children and 10 grandchildren, does that make them have a ‘Successful Relationship’? Hell no.
What If one of them was suffering all this while? or the other just feared being lonely and stuck around? because of which they managed to survive 50 odd years together.
Duration clearly can’t be anywhere on the criterion list to determine the success of a relationship. There are definitely way more factors that play a significant role in making a relationship successful and the first on my list would be hands down the capacity to be alone, because I believe if one can be alone and be happy then that person is truly capable of loving someone else.
My friends thankfully had wonderful suggestions like being happy, being understanding and having healthy communication as some vital elements which would make it for a ‘Successful Relationship’ for them.
In times like these where half the world is turning commitment phobic and the other half is looking down upon break-ups and divorces, the purpose of having a companion seems to have lost its mettle.
If a person decides to walk out of relationships frequently he/she is generally associated as someone who is unreliable or casanovaish, but hey if that person’s priority is to be ‘happy’ over being in a ‘relationship that goes on forever and even after that but making him more sad and less happy’ then who are we to judge that person?
It requires hell lot of guts to walk out of a relationship/friendship, it’s not just the person who is on the receiving end suffers, but then there are some people for whom being happy alone is more important than being perpetually frustrated together.
We all have heard that speech at some point of time in our lives where our family member or some motherly character like farida jalal in movies would say that marriage is a compromise one has to manage to make peace with the husband/wife’s wants alot of times to keep it going.
But my question is what is obsession of keeping it going when it is damaging oneself?
What’s a relationship if it doesn’t let you grow as a full blooming individual?
How would such a relationship ever manage to be successful if you yourself are a compromised version of yourself in it? Even though you manage to last forever and even after that.
Many people are in an emotionally abusive relationships and what’s unfortunate is that most don’t even know they are suffering it. We keep suffering because we start associating suffering with love and we feel the more you suffer due to someone the more you sacrifice the more you are in love with the person. Which to me doesn’t make sense.
If two people being together are just damaging each other’s individuality then no definition of love justifies them being together. Ofcourse there are going to be summery days and some will be cold as winter in any relationship and that doesn’t mean one has to move out of it each time it is making oneself unhappy but it is a personal choice to figure that at what given point they are losing themselves as individuals in the garb of loving someone else and then decide if it’s just a bad day in a relationship or a bad choice.
I write this after seeing how submissive can people get because they fear not having that special someone and are most often feeling like doormats eventually however used more often which makes me want to bring out this power in the open, the power of choosing, choosing to be happy, choosing to be peaceful which most of us generally have. We all have so much power and potential, we are universe in ecstatic motion and then it’s just unfortunate to see people destroying their one and only life in the name of loving someone.
Why not end it nicely and live a happy life figuring your next muse than finishing the one and only lifetime suffering because having a special someone was so important always.
It is lovely to have someone crying at your grave profusely when you die and nobody wants to die lonely but what’s terrible is dying as a person before dying itself because you don’t want to die lonely. Take your pick.